"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Bristow's only 27."

"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home."

"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"

"You couldn't get more excitement here if Elvis Presley walked in eating a chip sandwich!"

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

"He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends."

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

"Trying to read Reyes's mind is like trying to read the mind of Jabba the Hutt"

"These guys look calm but inside they are as nervous as a vampire who knows there's a sale at the wooden stake shop in the morning."

"That was like watching Popeye when he found his spinach!"

"He's as twitchy as a frog in a blender"

"He's going like the Loch Ness Monster with a following wind!"

"Keith Deller is like Long John Silver - he's badly in need of another leg."

"He looks as happy as a scorpion who's just had a pedicure!"

"Eyes like a pterodactyl....with contact lenses"

"Cliff Lazarenko's jumping up and down like a gorilla saying "give me back my banana!"

On Bobby George - "He's like a Sherman tank on roller skates coming down a mountain!"

"He's twitching more than a one legged ferret!"

"He's moving with the purpose of a Panzer Division"

"He may practice 12 hours a day, but he's not shy of the burger van!"

"He's like Jack The Ripper on a Friday night."

"He's got one foot in the frying pan and one on thin ice."

"Rod now looking like Kevin Costner when told the final cost of Waterworld."

"Tarantino re-writing Gunfight at the OK Corral couldn't have done any better than this."

"It's like Dracula getting out of his grave and asking for a few chips with his steak."

"That Lad could through 180 standing one legged in a hammock."

"This game of darts is twisting like a rattlesnake with a hernia!"

"It's just like taking a sausage from a boy in a wheelchair."

"This is the clash that makes King Kong versus Godzilla look like a
chimpanzees tea party!"

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

"He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed."

"Look at the man go, it's like trying to stop a water buffalo with a pea-shooter!"

"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips....... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them"

"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame."

"He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league."

"They've got Shakespeare on Radio 2 but you can't beat this for drama."

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline."

"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out."

"His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch."

"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank."

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

"He is as slick as minestrone soup."

"There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions."

"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!"

"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."

"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!"

"He's planting those arrows with the accuracy of a couple of inter-continental ballistic missiles."

"Bob Anderson ... looking like Lee van Cleef on a bad night!"

"Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis"

"The players are under so much duress, it's like Jurassic park out there!"

"He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory."

"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."